Foreign Language

01 Feb

Communication in any relationship is crucial.  Whether it is your relationship with your husband, wife, kids, co-workers, friends, parents, or anyone else you interact with, good communication is vital for a healthy relationship.  My best friend and mentor, Claude Hamilton, recommended I read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, to help with my communication in my relationships.  At first I was hesitant to pick up the book because it was purple with a big heart on the front.  But I am so glad I listened to the advice of Claude and read it despite what it looked like.  The information I learned from this book is invaluable, as it made me aware that I needed to speak to people not only with my words, but also through their love languages.

One of the biggest things I learned from this book is that, despite the love language of the individual, you have to keep their love tank full.  The easiest way to keep their love tank full is to speak their love language to them.  It is easy to love someone in your own love language, because you are comfortable with that.  Sometimes it is a little uncomfortable to love people in their love language because it is foreign to you.  But speaking your love language to someone who does not share that love language with you is like speaking German to someone who only speaks Chinese.

There are five love languages, each unique but of equal importance. They are;

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch

Words of Affirmation includes verbal compliments and words of appreciation.  When speaking this language, straightforward statements such as “you look beautiful in that dress” or “thank you for taking out the garbage yesterday, I really appreciated that” are best.  The person on the receiving end of these statements will have their love tank filled, knowing exactly what you think and appreciate about them.  One of my love languages is words of affirmation, so all Raylene has to do to make me feel loved is tell me I look good in my new shirt, or tell me I did an excellent job in a meeting.

Quality Time is not just spending time with someone.  You can spend time with someone at a movie theatre and not talk to them for 2 hours.  Quality time with someone is giving them your undivided attention, talking or doing an activity that you enjoy.  This lets the other person know that they are a priority to you and that you care about them.  This is a powerful communicator of love.  Raylene is quality time, and I had to learn that if I came home to a house with dirty dishes on the counter, she would rather me sit and talk to her for 20 minutes and ignore the dishes than do the dishes and ignore her.  The dishes could wait, she wanted me to invest in time with her, invest in our relationship, and her love tank grew fuller as we sat and talked.

Receiving Gifts can be a love language that is hard to speak because it is the only one that costs money.  However, some people may view this money as an expense or an investment.  Those who look at love languages as a way to express their interest and love for another person will see the money spent on gifts as an investment.  A gift is something the recipient can hold in their hand and look at and know the giver was thinking about them.  Raylene’s second love language is receiving gifts.  When we learned about the love languages and we realized this was one of hers I was worried because of the money it could cost me.  But I realized that the gifts do not have to be diamond earrings and Rolex watches.  They can be little things that cost only a few dollars, in fact sometimes these are the gifts she likes the most because they are thoughtful and personal.

Acts of Service means doing things like cooking, cleaning, setting the table, filling the car with gas, vacuuming, and taking out the garbage.  Little things that require thought, planning and time.  If these things are done with the right attitude, a positive one, they are expressions of love.  My second love language is acts of service.  I know Raylene loves me, and is trying to show me she loves me when she takes my clothes to the dry cleaners, cooks a meal for me, or does the dishes.  When she does these things for me, it tells me that she is thinking about me and wanting to serve me in some way.

Physical Touch is a powerful vehicle for communicating love to someone, especially in a marital relationship.  Hugging, holding hands and kissing are all actions that communicate you love someone.  These actions are vital in relationships where one partner’s primary love language is physical touch.  In non-marital relationships you can love those whose primary love language is physical touch by high-fives, pats on the back for a job well done or touching someone’s arm when you talk to them.  These simple actions can communicate love in an appropriate and professional manner.

When you are interested in building relationships or becoming closer with people you already have a relationship with, learning and speaking their love languages is key.  Speaking someone’s love language will solidify the relationship, where not speaking it could kill the relationship.  It is important to choose to love people in the way they respond to love most.  When Raylene and I read this book and discovered what our love languages are we were encouraged to show love the more love was shown to us.  The more she loved me, the more I wanted to show her love as well.  As our love tanks were filled, the more we wanted to fill each others.  The opposite is true also, the more empty our love tanks were, the less we wanted to show love to one another. In those situations it was so important for one of us to chose to break the cycle and show love regardless of how we felt.

Have fun learning your love languages and the languages or others, and thinking of ways to show those around  you that you love and care about them!

God Bless,



Posted by on February 1, 2014 in Family, Following, Freedom, Friends, Fun


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26 Responses to Foreign Language

  1. chad waters

    February 1, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    Hi Wayne,

    Awesome book! The 5 Love Languages us great to learn from your children and family to your friends and Co worker. It’s a great way to show appreciation by knowing someone’s language.

    Great topic and blog!
    God Bless!
    Life is Leadership!

  2. Jason Armitage

    February 1, 2014 at 11:43 pm

    Great post! this book and knowledge has really helped in my marriage and relationships, we speak each others languages and it make the days better. thanks for posting on this, reminding us to do it more often.

  3. Aage Smies

    February 1, 2014 at 11:50 pm

    Great blog Wayne, I love this book and not just for what I learned about others but also what I learned about myself. This should be a piece of required reading for everyone that interacts with people. It has truly made all my close relationships better.

    • Wade & Rhonda Hamblin

      February 2, 2014 at 8:59 am

      Hey Aage, you are not lying, I’ve heard you many times say this should be the 6th book in the top 5. Proud of you pal!

  4. Eva Knelsen

    February 1, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    Great blog! The Five Love Languages is one of my favorite books to read and recommend to others! Thanks for sharing!

  5. kim ansty

    February 1, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    I absolutely loved this book, pink cover and all! I really think it should be necessary reading for anyone contemplating marriage. It is also wonderful in building better relationships outside of marriage, such as friends and family. It is number one on my wedding gift list.

  6. Michele Lewis

    February 2, 2014 at 12:03 am

    Great blog Wayne. This is an amazing book, it really has changed my perspective in relationships.

  7. Barry Bauman

    February 2, 2014 at 12:16 am

    Thanks Wayne
    Communication exspeacilly in my marriage is so vitally important .
    This is something Sharon and I have talked about some and your post is a great reminder to further such a conversation.
    I think I will read that book again.
    Thanks for the well versed posts great thought and detail are revealed in each paragraph .
    Thanks for all you do!
    About Changing Lives

  8. George Pringle

    February 2, 2014 at 12:33 am

    Hello Wayne

    Amazing book and full of knowledge that everyone should read. Knowing and learning the language is helping me a lot. I started reading it the second time and your blog just brings it all back so quickly. Thank you for your time learning, teaching and the friendship.

  9. David Smale

    February 2, 2014 at 6:22 am

    Great job Wayne. I’ve read the book but just as your last blog on personalitys it comes at a timely reminder. These 5 are key to having all around better relationships. Thanks for leading the way

  10. Stu Hall

    February 2, 2014 at 7:52 am

    This book was a real turning point in developing my people skills. I tended to show love towards people the only way I knew and that was through my own love language, even though I was unaware that it was 1 of 5.
    Understanding that there are 5 love languages greatly improved my ability to connect with people.
    Great post on how to have better, deeper relationships with people Wayne.
    Keep Leading.

  11. Scott Staley

    February 2, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Great blog Wayne! I remember placing a copy (lavender cover) on my boss’s desk in full view for the entire staff to see when they walked by. Thanks for all you do. Keep leading from the front.

  12. Wade & Rhonda Hamblin

    February 2, 2014 at 8:51 am

    Wayne, thank you for introducing this book to me a few years back! It has made a world of difference in my relationship with Rhonda. One thing I have discovered is just like the language that we speak, even though I know her “love language” it is still second nature to speak mine. I have to consciously make an effort to switch to speaking her language! This book is so powerful in relationship building we give it as a package for wedding gifts and baby showers.

  13. Carrianne Hall

    February 2, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Great blog Wayne!

    The 5 Love Languages is one of my favourite books, and to me the “unofficial” 6th book of the Top 5 Books we recommend in the Life business.

    This book has made a huge impact on our lives. It’s almost like discovering a secret code. A secret code that unlocks happiness in those that are close to you in all areas of your life.

    A book that shouldn’t just be read but re-read over and over again. It’s perfect for anyone at any stage of there life and what I give as a gift to any wedding I attend! I wish I had this information sooner!

    Thank you to you and Raylene for suggesting it to me years ago.

  14. Emily koopmans

    February 2, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    Great post wayne! Definitley is one of my favourite books in our system and its always good to be reminded of the impotance of speaking the other persons language to show how much you care!

    God bless!

  15. Steve Kendrick

    February 2, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Thank you Wayne!

    My wife Mary & I read the book and learned a great deal which really improved our marriage. In fact, since we’ve been in Life-Leadership, we really did start TRULY communicating, the way we should have all along (but didn’t). The Five Love Languages is incredible and you’ve reminded us to revisit this great information again to get more out of it.!

    Steve & Mary Kendrick

  16. Aaron Knelsen

    February 2, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    Thanks for the great lay out on all five love lanuages. Speaking the other person’s love language makes a HUGE difference with my kids and wife. Though my tendency is to always wanna speak my love language, constant improvement is always a goal of mine.
    Thanks Wayne!

  17. Fraser

    February 2, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    This is all invaluable information for sure. If more people would just learn to communicate and work with people we could eliminate so many problems. Example: broken marriages

  18. Dave Begley

    February 2, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    What great timing for this blog Wayne . with everything from valentines day to family day happening this month we all need to learn and put into practice each others love language .

  19. James Deming

    February 3, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    Well put Wayne, you described each one cearly and breifly and reminded me of a few things I need to get back to doing. Excellent.

  20. Colleen

    February 3, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    What a great book! Thanks for the reminder to look at it again, Wayne.

    I’m often wanting to recommend it and now I can send people here to read your review.


  21. Sharon

    February 4, 2014 at 12:59 am

    Thank you Wayne,

    This book has really effected the way I parent my boys and interact with others.

  22. Linda Sovey

    February 4, 2014 at 8:58 am

    What a fantastic book…..I have read it several times and it is the book that I give for gifts but also sell the most of.

    Keep up the great work Wayne. Can’t wait to see you and Ray on Saturday.

  23. Marie

    February 6, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Awesome Wayne. I read this book a few months ago and was amazed. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Since then I have been making extra effort to learn people’s love language. It makes a huge difference when you communicate or interact with someone based on their love language.

  24. Phil Wall

    February 7, 2014 at 11:17 am

    absolutely a fantastic book and equally a great blog post outlining the 5 love languages. thanks for posting.

  25. Marianne Keller

    February 15, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Excellent post Wayne

    With Valentines just past it reminds me that like you said “despite the love language of the individual, you have to keep their love tank full. The easiest way to keep their love tank full is to speak their love language to them.”

    This book was one of the first you encouraged us to read and it has made such a big difference in our marriage. We continually share it with others and will be sending them to this awesome post also



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